this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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