i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
