that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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