please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
