just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
