so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
