i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is wine microwaveable?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
