you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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