If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Alive.
So much puke
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
