well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
