I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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