I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
