Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
send nudes
from the living room?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
