Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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