some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
