My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
