I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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