So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
