Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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