And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
