I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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