i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
nutella sex= disaster
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
