I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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