last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
