1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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