Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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