he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
