I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Your dad touched me again.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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