vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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