If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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