I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
