Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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