While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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