I wanna passion pit in your ass
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
