Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
