Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
