I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
