i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
