11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
