The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
