She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
