the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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