you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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