I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
