Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
