hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
