So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
