just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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