My friends, they love my intelligence
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
