Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
