I got chris browned last night
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
