there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
