I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
