My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
