Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
