It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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