hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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