I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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