apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
