Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
